Trojan Condoms

Most parents wonder about how and when to talk to their teenage (or pre-teenage) children about the birds and the bees (sex). Some worry that talking about sex, contraception and STDs will encourage their children to become sexually active. Despite the statistics (over 80% of North Americans have their first sexual intercourse as teenagers), parents tend not to acknowledge the emerging sexuality of their pre-teenage and teenage children.

Unfortunately, these perfectly normal parental emotions often lead to parental silence about sexual issues, or to the postponement of the dreaded talk – both of which can have drastic effects on the wellbeing of children. As a concerned parent, you must make certain that once they reach puberty, your children will know about sex, contraception and STD prevention - and that they learn this information from YOU.

Regardless of whether or not you believe your children to be currently sexually active, the first step is to find out what they know (or think they know) about unintended pregnancies, STDs and contraception. During the changes of puberty, children are very curious about sex, and they NEED basic, accurate information. Parental silence on the subject may cause younger teens to fall prey to older teens or adults. Parental silence can also be interpreted as disapproval, breeding sexual anxiety in the child that may affect his / her future sex life. While it is important to try to select the right time to teach your children about sex, postponing the moment only means that they will obtain the information (or misinformation) they need from their peers rather than from you.

Your children need to be taught about the physical act of sex. They need to know what intercourse is. They also need you to tell them that it’s pleasurable, why it’s pleasurable, and that there is more than one way to have sex. Don’t fall into the trap of only talking about frightening negatives – the danger of contracting STDs, unwanted pregnancies and the pain of being abandoned by a boyfriend or girlfriend. This is what many parents do. They do it out of concern for their children, and a little bit in the hope of postponing their child’s sexual activity. Remember that successful, happy adults are comfortable and happy with their sex lives. You want your children to grow into successful, happy adults – so don’t put them off sex.

Teach your children how babies are made. This is not the same as how to have intercourse. You must teach them about women’s cycles. Clear away any misinformation your child may have. Explain that a girl can get pregnant the first time she has sex, during her period, standing up or while on contraceptive medications.

When talking about contraception, don’t simply say “use precautions”. Be specific. Give your daughter all the details she needs. Explain about the Emergency Contraception Pill (ECP) or “morning after pill”. You can give her pamphlets or books too.

Make sure your son or daughter knows that in addition to protection against unintended pregnancy, latex condoms are the only protection against STDs. Many young people who think of themselves as “virgins” engage in oral or anal sex to maintain this virginity and avoid teenage pregnancy statistics. Explain that this sexual activity can also put them at risk for STDs.

Even if you disapprove of birth control or sex before marriage, as a concerned parent you MUST discuss these topics with your children, because regardless of what you believe in your teen may choose to become sexually active. Your silence will NOT stop him or her, though it may cause your child to explore sex in secrecy, burdened with guilt, fear and misinformation.

Below are some suggestions that should help you decide when the right time to talk to your children is, and how you could go about it:

· First things first: Know what you’re talking about! Birth control methods have evolved with time and the outbreak of HIV/AIDS and other STDs.

· Start early, and don’t wait till your children ask you about sex. Begin by sharing your values and views on love and relationships with your 9, 10 or 11 year olds. Remember - practice what you preach.

· Look for natural “teachable moments” that occur when you are with your children. Parents and teens can have some of their best talks during long car rides. Take advantage of the next time you pass by a clinic to talk about sex, for example. Try to bring up the topic naturally. Develop a conversation from a news item or a movie you watched together.

· Give your children sexual information and perspective from both a woman and a man’s point of view. Moms can explain what girls feel, and dads can explain to their daughters a bit about how boys think.

· Listen. Always listen. Show that you are interested, but don’t demand details. Teens prize their privacy – but they also want their parents to be involved in their lives.

· Above all, stay actively involved in your child’s life.